


A Birthday Cake Recipe

by jackdawq



Category: Persona 4
Genre: F/M, actual recipe not guaranteed accurate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 03:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/580684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackdawq/pseuds/jackdawq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four steps to baking a cake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Birthday Cake Recipe

**Step 1: Preparation**   
  


  * Get asked by floppy-haired ~~closeted~~ ragingly heterosexual senpai to bake a birthday cake for his totally platonic best friend.
  * Remember two other senpai are making a cake too. Realize a second cake is a must.
  * Purchase ingredients from Junes (with assistance from birthday boy’s cousin)
  * Return to mother’s house. Drop eggs on floor. Curse creatively for five minutes.
  * Salvage intact eggs. Put ingredients on table.
  * Decide you need an assistant.
  * Ask ~~secret crush~~ detective friend because ~~you’re desperate for any damn reason to hang out~~ she won’t try to throw chili powder in batter.
  * Detective friend will list a dozen excuses. Persist!
  * Request that idol friend bully detective friend into helping. Detective will come to the shop.
  * Victory! Answer door wearing apron, blush repeatedly.



  
  
**  
Step 2: Making cake **

  
**Ingredients:**  
2 cups cake flour (not self-rising)  
2 teaspoons baking powder  
1/2 teaspoon salt  
1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, softened  
1 cup sugar  
3 large eggs, kept at room temperature for 30 minutes  
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla  
3/4 cup whole milk  
  


  * Sift together flour, baking powder, and salt into a bowl.
  * Instruct assistant to butter and flour cake pans. Assistant will acquiesce.
  * In separate bowl, beat butter and sugar together for three to five minutes until light and fluffy. Instruct assistant to ready three eggs.
  * Assistant will ask why five eggs are missing from carton. Tell her they came like that.
  * Add in eggs, one by one, then add vanilla. Beat for three minutes.
  * Assistant will inquire about egg-coloured residue on kitchen floor. Feign ignorance. Wish assistant didn’t ask so many damn questions.
  * Combine flour mixture and egg mixture.
  * Phone will ring. Curse loudly. Ask assistant to answer.
  * Remember phone is in pocket of your pants.
  * Blush profusely. Assistant will help with this.
  * Assistant will quietly flail around then somehow fish phone out of your pocket without touching you in any way. Feel odd mix of relief and disappointment.
  * Phone call will be from two cooking senpai, mourning their failed cake. Floppy-haired senpai will have informed them of your efforts. They will offer to come and help.
  * DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN.
  * Assistant will dissuade them while you pour batter in cake pans.
  * Put pans in oven as assistant hangs up.



  
  
**Step 3: Baking**   
  


  * Stand awkwardly in kitchen with assistant for 25 minutes, looking everywhere but at each other.



  
  
  
**Step 4: Icing the Cake**  
  
 ****  
Ingredients:  
2 cups confectioners’ sugar, sift before measuring  
1 1/2 tablespoons butter, soft  
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract  
1/4 teaspoon salt  
3 to 4 tablespoons milk  
Blue food colouring  
Assorted decorations, candles, liquorice  
  


  * Remove cake pans from oven. Extract cake. Allow to cool.
  * Decide to construct elaborate calligraphic representation of Senpai’s name from liquorice.
  * Tell assistant to mix all non-decorative ingredients in bowl.
  * Bend liquorice into required kanji. Everything will look like a squiggle. Curse.
  * Instruct assistant to apply icing to cake, while debating whether to just make Senpai’s name out of cardboard and black marker and hope no-one eats it.
  * Who eats cake decorations, anyway?
  * Remember sparkly blond is coming to party. Curse again.
  * Look up. Assistant will somehow have blue icing on her chin, nose, and left ear.
  * Wonder briefly if she stuck her face in the bowl, because how the hell else would that happen?
  * Realize that is not much like assistant. Also realize you should tell her before she goes home, looks in mirror, later kicks your ass for saying nothing.
  * Decide to take action! You are a manly man!
  * Silently panic.
  * Call assistant over. Reach down and wipe icing off her nose. Assistant will stammer and jerk back.
  * Apologize profusely. Explain situation. Assistant will try to clean off icing herself and exacerbate problem.
  * Wipe icing off assistant’s chin while she is distracted. Notice that her skin is really nice. Soft, y’know?
  * Realize that’s creepy. Blush. Assistant will have frozen in place.
  * Wipe icing off assistant’s ear. Notice again how nice it feels. Accidentally stroke her hair at the same time.
  * Wonder what the hell’s wrong with you, you creepy bastard.
  * Assistant will look up at you, wide-eyed. Assistant has range of approximately three different expressions. You will be unable to tell if she’s confused, scared, or about to kick you in the nuts.



 

**Ingredients:**  
A ton of courage  
  


  * Decide that it doesn’t matter anyway, dammit.
  * Lean down and kiss assistant.
  * YES YOU ARE ONE HELL OF A MAN \o/
  * Assistant will pull back, flustered - then immediately turn away.
  * Wonder if all this was a bad idea.
  * Assistant will climb and sit on kitchen counter, cancelling out height difference, and kiss you back.
  * Realize all this was an _awesome_ idea.
  * Cake will be finished an hour late and mother will find you and assistant in kitchen, covered in both blue icing and a suspicious red blush - but day will be a success. Victory!




End file.
